i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
