I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
