I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
