she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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