I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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