i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
