Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
