I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
