sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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