The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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