i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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