I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
