There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
