He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
