You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
