i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
