I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
