Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
