I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize