can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
