They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
