Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
