Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
