I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
