marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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