trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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