You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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