The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
