Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize