I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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