We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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