Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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