Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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