He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
