textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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