i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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