My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
