Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
