The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
