seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
