Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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