If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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