hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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