so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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