Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
17 year olds will be the death of me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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