I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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