is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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