Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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