he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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