Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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