is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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