I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
