And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
