Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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