I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
