I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize