I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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