Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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