I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
