I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
