Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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