office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
