***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That's intense
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
