Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
