fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize