Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we should paint friendship bongs
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
