I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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