Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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