highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize