She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
