The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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