I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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