I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
