Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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