so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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