I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
