Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
