I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The adults are the big ones right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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